it has been almost a week since my last relationship ended... officially... "officially" since i think it had already ended more than a month ago, with me struggling to hold on.
i still feel sad, still feel lost. but then again, this time, there is a difference. this time, i had told a few selected friends and seeked their support. while they are all not in the country, their words of kindness were still instrumental in my feeling better.
even with my past experiences, i am proud that i had still given it my all. and even though i remained paranoid most of the time, i had come to realize how much i would be willing to give in when i feel that strongly for someone. of course, that was not enough in this case.
i cannot tell how much damage i have sustained this time. will i be jaded enough to not treat my future relationships properly? will i continue to be foolish and fall head-over-heels for someone again? am i just sour to be calling that "foolish"?
all i know is that the big 3-0 is arriving soon. people get wiser with age. i certainly hope i do. and in the meantime, i will try not to be bitter or to reflect negatively on this past experience. i should choose to reminisce on the good times, and not dwell on the bad stuff. if only i am that obedient.
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